M'aimer pour qui je suis

only_as_a_muse @ 2007-04-20T16:48:00

2007-04-20T21:50:05Z

only_as_a_muse @ 2007-04-20T16:44:00

2007-04-20T21:45:18Z

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-07-26T12:49:00

2006-07-26T17:50:32Z

I have a new username.
I will no longer be updating on this one.
The new one is www.o0_melomane_0o.livejournal.com if that link doesn't work, you can always do www.livejournal.com/users/o0_melomane_0o

It's friends only, so you'll have to comment to be added

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-07-24T18:24:00

2006-07-24T23:37:27Z

1. Open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question press the next button.
6. Some songs fit perfectly, some don't!

OPENING CREDITS: Weird Al- I Was Only Kidding
WAKING UP: John Williams- Fluffy's Harp
FALLING IN LOVE: Avenue Q- My Girlfriend who Live in Canada
FIGHT SCENE: Aladdin- A Whole New World
BREAKING UP: Oklahoma- Many a New Day
GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Beauty and the Beast- Beauty and the Beast
SECRET LOVE: Click Five- Just the Girl I'm Looking For
LIFE'S OKAY: The Nightmare Before Christmas- Nabbed
MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Back to Titanic- Come Josephine
DRIVING FLASHBACK: Evita- Don't Cry for Me Argentina
PARTYING: Rent- Mimi is Dying
HAPPY DANCE: Larry the Cable Guy- Ode to Titties and Beer
REGRETTING: J. Strauss- Odglosy Wiosny (Swan Lake, I think)
LONG NIGHT ALONE: Phantom of the Opera- Angel of Music
THE NEXT MORNING: N. Rimski- Korsakow- Lot Trzmiela (Flight of the Bumble Bee, I think)
FINAL BATTLE: Judy Garland- A Foggy Day
DEATH SCENE: The Killer, Smile like you mean it.
END CREDITS: Wicked- I'm not that Girl

Promizzle

2006-05-16T01:41:14Z

Prom was
AMAZING.
Well,
Prom itself,
sucked.

The party after,
was awesome.

Lots to tell.
But I'm too tired to tell it.
Slept in till three on Sunday.
Got my mom a rose today.
I'm so belated.

Heh.

I'll post more later.
Maybe.
If I remember.

Life in the advertisment lane...

2006-05-12T18:13:41Z

Ah yes, I have at last whored myself to coorporate america in order to get more user pics and voice posts.
Nothing much to post.
I ate too much yesturday.
Planned on fasting today.
Didn't happen.
At pop-tarts for breakfast.
A sub for lunch.
Blech. Eating too much sucks.

Sort of not excited for prom anymore.
Dunno why.
Maybe because Kody is being stupid.
But I'll still have fun.
I'm tired.
It's fifth hour.
I've been staring at a computer for an hour.
I don't miss the feeling.

I think I'll clean my room tonight.
Then play some Sims.
Sleep in till eight.
Then go help my mom clean a house.
Get my hair done.
Get my nails done.
Get ready.
Go to Prom.
Then sleep in, really really late.
Maybe until ten.
Maybe until noon.
Who knows?

My bed is really comfortable.
I hate getting up in the morning.
It's too cold.
My bed is warm.
I like my bed.
Sleeping in is nice.
Ever so nice.

Drum Major interviews on Monday and Tuesday.
*crosses fingers*
I hope I do well.
I'm really anxious.

I'm starting a new school routing.
Get up.
School.
Practice singing in practice room for a half hour.
Go to library.
Study.
Go home.

Hopefully, I'll actually do it.
Hopefully.

Many birthdays are coming up.
I got invited to a senior party.
Finally.
Last year I had six invites.
This year I only have one.
Sad, right?
I know lots of seniors.
Kristin, Katie, Anna... to name a few.

I have an essay I didn't do.
Actually, I have two.

Damn.
I need to get on top of it.
Shit.

onto phase four

2006-05-11T03:10:01Z

What is phase four you ask?
Well, it's the next phase of my life.
Phase three, the divorce/depression/emo/oh-woe-is-me phase of my lfie.
Phase four?
Now.
Phase four is amazing, wondeful,
stupendous,
angelic,
troublesome,
empowering,
lovely,
new,
different,
happiness.

I'm ready, and I've got a sunny disposition.
And yes, I've still got a few rants up my sleave,
but now they're considerably less,
depressed.
Less,
sad.
Less,
lonely.
Less,
unhappy.
Less,
EMO.

I've got this last year to prepare
myself.
To prepare myself to
BECOME
the next big thing
oN broadway.

Fity seven colleges to sift through.
To decide.
To audition for.
To pay for.
To sing for.
To live for.

Music.
Where would I be without music?
Considerably less happy.
Less enthused.
Less me.

Music opens my soul.
It does something horribly
cliche,
but in a good way.
cliches have never been good for
me.
But this one is.
It's weird.
Uncomprehendable.
Yet,
It works.
It makes sense.

And yet,
it's not a cliche.
It's something completely new.
Something just for me.
That feeling.
That complete euphoria.

Life sucks.
Yes.
Life doesn't suck.
Yes.
Doublethink.

Think about it.

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-05-08T13:08:00

2006-05-08T18:13:37Z

Radio carbon dating determines the age of ancient objects by means of measuring the amount of carbon-14 there is left in an object. A man called Willard F Libby pioneered it at the University of Chicago in the 50's. In 1960, he won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. This is now the most widely used method of age estimation in the field of archaeology.

^ Yay for chem.

Band auditions tomorrow.
Cross your fingers.
Two(one) open slot(s)
Ten(one million) auditioners.
One(lonely) girl.
Yeah, the odds are like a gagillion to one.
But yeah, I'm still auditioning.

I'm tired.
Been staring at the computer for almost an hour for chem.
I hate staring at computers.
I used to do that a lot.
Then Alex stopped talking to me.
And I realized I really was only ever on it to talk to him.
So I stopped.
And not using the computer has made life more awesome.

Yesturday,
I went on a two hour walk,
instead of a two hour internet fest.
It was amazing.
I loved it.
Yes, I have sunburn.
Yes, I'm sort of sore.
But,
I loved it.
Absolutely loved it.

One thing I don't like right now:
My sunburn.
Making me feel hot.
Icky.
There's a breeze.
I can't feel it.
Damn.

Three minutes to go.
The bell's gonna ring.
Go to Brit Lit.
Talk about 1984.

Then choir.
Who knows?
We have a concert in two weeks.
Are we ever going to learn the new music?
*shrugs*
Who knows?

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2006-05-05T21:12:41Z

So yeah, the ballroom dance was absolutely awesome. I think I migh have already made a post about it, but I don't know. It's been so long since I've been at a computer. So much life can happen when one is not on a computer. I love it!

So, a really hot guy named Matt, noticed I was...er...scoping him out, so to speak at the ballroom dance, and asked my friend Brittany(who works with him coincidentally) why I didn't just ask him to dance and stuff. My reasoning was I was too scared and he surrounded by REALLY REALLY hot girls.

Prom is nex week. My dress is all fixed and pretty. The zipper broke, so my grandma put a new, short zipper in and then made it look like a corset style back and added straps to make it like a halter top. I'm so excited.

So yeah, at one point this week I had TWO dates to prom! Crazy, no? Of course, no offence to my lovely friends, they were not, so to speak the pick of the litter. Lars and Kody. Lars asked me, and was still trying to swallow the idea of "date" when I said, yes. Then I told Kody, and he got all upset saying we were going as a date. And I said, "No, we aren't." Kodey: Say's who? Me: You, did actually. Kody: Well, I changed my mind, I already ordered your corsage.

So yeah, I had to tell Lars I already had a date, but I got him to go with Liz, so all is good.

We had a choir concert last night, and I did pretty bad. Then we were practicing today for the state contest tomorrow, and I totally made progress. As in, major progress, as in, I was amazing. w00t.

I'm trying out for drum major again, after I said last year I'd never do it again. I've been working with Rob, and he says I'm doing good. He told me what to work on, and I wrote it down, and then proceeded to say I'm probably a loser for writing it down, and he said no, it was a good thing. So yeah, maybe I will be going to band camp this summer and wear the ugly dresses and white feathers!!

Blah. I'm tired. I have no idea why. Probably, I'm just lazy. LOL.

But yeah, mono, mumps, and menenjitus is going around my school. Poor Erin has mono and hasn't been at school for a while. Maknig me the only second clarinet. Much fun to be had there.

Oh! So yeah, we're playing LORD OF THE RINGS in band, and there's this part, where only I have this one melody thingy , and it's the harp cues, and right after he cut us off after that one part, I was about to go, "Does anyone else have this besides me?" Mr. Medd goes, "I HEARD YOU!" I kind of jumped and looked at him funny, and was like, no that's good. Play out a bit more, and this time, play off the first beat. It's one and *hand motion* But yeah, it was freaky when it happened.

I'm going to make a get well card for the lovely Erin. Band is lonely without my lover. I have no one to eat my hair and make obscene gestures to. Well, the latter I still have people to do.

And now I'm becoming inchoherent.

*muah*
Ashley

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-04-24T15:55:00

2006-04-24T20:55:43Z

So, I think I found what my DI for next year is going to be. That's right, next year. I'm getting a head start, besides I want to be awesome in my craziness. I think I'll do "Breathe." It's about this girl who becomes a stalker to her best friend. It sounds really cool so far. It'll be really difficult cutting it down to ten minutes though. But I'm excited.

I bought Kody and my prom tickets today. They came with Tatooes. Tres cool. We're going to pimp out Liz's mini-van and use that instead of a limo. We're all going to Party after prom. We're all uper excited now.

Life, in general is good. Except, Austin stole my seat today, and I had to sit next to the sharpner. Needless to say, as expected, and totally on accident, I wacked my head against it several times. I actually participated a good deal today. Stuff about the difference between federalism and seperation of powers. Elementary, really.

I have a list of about fifty one colleges I like, or actually have musical theatre. My favorite ones, of course, are Ithaca College and The Boston Conservatory. I'm all a shivers as I get everything ready for applications and such. Actually, I'm thinking about for two years or so, going to an acting school that only costs a few thousand and then transferring. Good idea, no?

Wow, the librarians are really helpful, almost overly so. I just asked for a book about someone who's off-hilter. (Insane) and they spend a half hour doing all this crazy stuff. It's funny. But, they're nice. Generally. Well, Mrs. Niles is. (*send virtual hug to Mrs. Niles*) The other ones are kind of Nazis. e.g. When they kicked us out.

Apparently, the ballroom dance is this weekend. Austin and I must prepare. He asked me last week when it was, and I didn't know. Clearly, we shall have to plan. (Weird...Mrs. Niles just walked by and was like, "You look really pale in that picture"...referring to my user icon thingy. Might I note that I have always been scarily pale?)

So yeah, this summer is sort of up in the air right now. Lots going on. Oh, Lists are fun, here's a list.

Arizona.(Seattle, California)(Clare & DJ)
Georgia\New York. (AKA. Aunt Stacey)
Wisconsin (Aunt Beth)
LeClaire (Grandmpa and Poppa)
YPC: Young People's Company
Northwestern Acting Conference/Workshoping thingamajig
Basic Training for Army
Home? Home? Home? *ponders* Is staying home even an option? I think I've only spent one summer and home, and I was dreadfully lost. Heh, it does wreak havoc on some of my friendships though. Lots of catching up to do. LOL.

So, I'll post more later. I have to go, or I'll miss the bus.

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-04-21T15:39:00

2006-04-21T20:38:12Z

Brought to you by: Amanda

You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

It would seem that an existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory and you feel that there is little that you can do about it without 'some help from your friends', but you have no desire to show the world how vulnerable you really are and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this particular relationship as a depressing tie and although you would like to be independent and unhampered, you don't want to run the risk of losing anything. All this leads you to react 'touchily' and with impatience, while the urge to 'get away from it all' results in considerable restlessness and stress. Your ability to concentrate may suffer.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

Quizes, to get my mind of Thursday night.

2006-04-15T15:40:16Z

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.

Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.

You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.

Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.

You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.

Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.

A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are Marge Simpson

You're a devoted family member who loves unconditionally.

Sometimes, though, you dream about living a wild secret life!

You will be remembered for: your good cooking and evading the police

Your life philosophy: "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

The Simpsons Personality Test

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.

You're totally weird and very proud of it.

Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way.

Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

You Are 40% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Oh snap,I am addicted to hand sanitizer!

Your Daddy Is Dennis Rodman

What You Call Him: Papito

Why You Love Him: He knows best

Who's Your Daddy?

You Are 72% Addicted to Myspace

Your Myspace addiction factor is: High

You are officially addicted to Myspace. It's quite possible you haven't seen a real person in days.

Are You Addicted to Myspace?

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.

Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.

You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!

People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Quirk Factor: 76%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.

No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.

Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona

Your gemstone: Garnet

Your flower: Snowdrop

Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.

You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.

But you sure can beat a good drum.

"Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.

You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.

Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...

But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.

You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-04-13T14:41:00

2006-04-13T19:41:07Z

Ashley, Love vs. Honor is your primary love story!

Love vs. Honor is the most dramatic love story of all — defined by an innate tug of war between what you want to do and what you should do. There is something coming between you and love. Perhaps it's a religious conviction, a previous commitment, family, patriotic duty, or deep belief that good things only come at a terrible price.

If you're looking for examples you can start back with the Greek myths where heroes were often forced to give up love and the comforts of home for battles in far-off lands. In Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations," Estella chooses to obey her benefactress and break Pip's heart, even though she deeply regrets doing so. Political obligations and previous relationships tear Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman apart in the unforgettable film, "Casablanca."

In your love story, you find your soul mate, only to discover you can't be together unless you give up something precious, or jeopardize other relationships or ideals that are important to you. The decision itself is at the heart of your story. How do you choose? If this is your one chance at true love, can anything be worth giving it up? Can you enjoy love knowing you've betrayed something dear to you to achieve it? Or will the love be stronger for your sacrifice? This love story is about confronting your values and life choices. It's about reevaluating what's important to you and choosing to remain on the same path or move in a new direction.

If you've devoted yourself to long-term academic study or a consuming career that demands longevity in order to succeed — careers like medicine, law, business — you might feel you're letting yourself down if you throw yourself off-track with a relationship. Do you have a family member for whom choice of religion, career, or social position is a really big deal? Are you afraid to disappoint them if your partner doesn't match the mold?

In the movie, "The End of the Affair," Julianne Moore plays a woman who makes a pact with God to stop cheating on her husband if her lover survives a terrible injury. When he lives, she's forced to keep her promise, breaking both their hearts in the process. All relationships, at some point or another, require sacrifices. These painful decisions are familiar to everyone. No wonder it's so easy to relate to this story's historical, literary, and cinematic counterparts. You're living it!

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-04-12T15:35:00

2006-04-12T20:50:01Z

It would be a lie if I were to say it is with deepest sympathy that I make myself get over him. I simply refuse to care anymore. Because really, what's the point? I'm seventeen, he's eighteen. I live in Iowa, he lives in Washington. We'll never actually meet, so why even bother? I have a lot of good reasons for me to get over him, really I do. They just refuse to come to me right now.

I need to make a lot of changes with my life. It's just not working out right now. I've no idea where I want to go from here. And even here, I don't like. I need to start applying myself before I ruin any chance at a future.

All I know, is I want to do something that has a level of passion that I can't find anywhere else. The only places I come close to finding the sort of passion I'm looking for is with musical theatre. *sighs* But I know, I'll never make anything in that career. I can't sing. Well, I can, just not well.

All I know is that I'm not content with life right now. That's not to say I'm not happy. I am, very much so. But I just yearn for something else, something I'm not experiencing. Something my entire body is aching for. I feel so claustrophobic in the life that I lead right now.

Sometimes I hate livejournal, or any blog I suppose. I mean, a lot of times I put stuff on here, so people will tell me what they think. But, no one ever comments. *shrugs* It's not that I mind. Well, actually I do kind of. I guess it feels like there's no one out there. And I know that's not true, and I know I'm probably being insecure, but that's how it feels. I'd like to say that's somethign I can't help, but I know that I can. At least, I'm sure that's what all the self-help books that are out there say.

Meh. I'm in one of those happy/depressed moods. I don't know what to think right now.

...and in that moment, I swear we were infinate

2006-04-07T21:14:14Z

Indeed, infinant is the only way in which to describe my current state of mind. I happy. I'm content. I want nothing more than to be here. It's true that if you're unhappy, it's because you want to be. I don't want to be unhappy, I refuse to be unhappy. The day's to long and my spirit too high to keep me from being happy. It's an odd sort of thing realizing that what you've been searching for is right under your nose. I could be philosophical right now, and ruin my moment with words, but the moment's too long, and words aren't needed.

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-04-02T11:12:00

2006-04-02T18:13:09Z

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen

Peacemaker, first to end a fight

Good at thinking up creative dates

Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily

Going with your gut instead of your head

Emphathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault

Good at recognizing patterns in relationships

Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count

Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love

Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow

Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind

Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love?

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-04-01T21:57:00

2006-04-02T02:57:31Z

Your Stripper Song Is

My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas

"Whatcha gonna do with all that junk

All that junk inside that trunk.

I'ma get get get get you drunk

Get you love drunk off my hump "

You get a lot more than Seven jeans for your humps.

What Song Should You Strip To?

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-03-31T21:08:00

2006-04-01T02:13:24Z

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		11
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		7
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-03-27T20:58:00

2006-03-28T01:58:41Z

So yeah.

It sucks.

Life.

Well, not all life.

It just feels like it.

A lot.

Bah.

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-03-22T15:45:00

2006-03-22T21:45:20Z

So, yeah. It's been a while.
I miss the internet.
I miss Sabrina and Alex.
I don't have much time to write stuff.
I'm tired.
With a headache.
This update sucks.
But Kody's being an ass and distracting me.
I'll go now.
And update good stuff.
I promise.

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-03-22T15:25:00

2006-03-22T21:43:36Z

30 unknown facts about you.

1. What does your Livejournal name mean?
Um...I have absolutely no idea. I just like muses.

2. Elaborate on your default photo?
Ewan McGregor=sexiness

4. What's your current relationship status?
Weird. He loves me, I love him...but we're kind of far away...

5. What EXACTLY are you wearing right now?
Jeans, shoes, t-shirt, sweatshirt...

6. What is your current problem?
Exhaustion

7. What do you love most?
Music, Doctor's without Borders

8. What makes you most happy?
Music

9. Are you musically inclined?
Yup.

10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
Nothing.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
Kitty cat.

12. Ever have a near death experience?
Yeah.

13. Name an obvious quality you have?
I'm silly

14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Popular-Wicked

15. Who did you cut and paste this from?
Jedistardust

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you.
Kirsten Antil

17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
Nope

18. Have you ever been in a fight?
Nope

19. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yeah

20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Uh...eyes, maybe or something, I don't know.

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I've never been to Starbucks

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
*shrugs* I dunno.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Hells, yes.

26. Did you have braces?
Nope.

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
I'm okay with it. Sometimes I wish I were taller. *shrugs*

28. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
Um...Probably at the ball room dance, when Austin silently walked over to me, grabbed my hand and led me out onto the dance floor.

29. Do you speak any other languages?
Yeah, French, but only a little.

30. Do you have a crush on someone on your livejournal?
They Don't have livejournal anymore. ;_;

Name: Ashley
Siblings: 2
Brothers: 1
Sisters: 1
Eye color: Blue
Shoe size: 9 - 9.5
Height: 5'2"
Innie or Outie: Innie
What are you wearing right now? Same as two mintues ago
Where do you live: Iowa City
Righty or lefty: Right

Favorites
Number: 8
Boys Name: Er...William, Conrad, Alexander, Zachary
Girls Name: Skye, Aleighics, Moira, Elizabeth, Tomeka ;-), Christine...I dunno.
Drink: Diet Vanilla Cherry Dr. Pepper
Month: Uh...May?
Juice: Apple juice
Breakfast: Uh...Food?

Have You Ever
Smoked: Once, it was peer pressure.
Bungee jumped: Sort of.
Made yourself throw-up: Yes
Gone skinny dipping: Nope
Loved someone so much it made you cry: *coughs* uh, yeah.
Broken a bone: Nope.
Played Truth or Dare: Of course.
Been in a police car: Yeah, but not because of a felony.
Been on a plane: Yeah.
Came close to dying: Yes
Been in a sauna: I don't think so...?
Been in a hot tub: Yuppers, funny story that...
Swam in the ocean: Yeah. It tastes icky.
Fallen asleep in school: Haha, yeah.
Broken someone's heart: I don't think so...?
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Cried in school: Yeah, a few times.
Fell off your chair: Haha, lots of time.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Sadly, yes.
Saved AIM conversation: All the time.
Saved e-mails: No.
Been cheated on: I've never had a boyfriend, so no.

What is...
What's your room like: Realy messy.
What is beside you: On my left, some girl. On my right, Kody acting like a moron.
What is the last thing you ate: A Milky Way.
What kind of shampoo do you use: Uh...whatever happens to be in the shower.

Ever Had...
Chicken pox: Yes.
Sore throat: Yup
Stitches: Yup
Broken nose: Not that i know of.

Do You...
Believe in love at first sight: No, that's called lust.
Like picnics: Yes.
Like school: YES!!!!!!

Questions:
Who was the last person you called: Kody
Who was the last person you danced with: Maddee
Who makes you smile: Life

Who...
Did you last yell at: Um...I don't know.
Broke your heart: Err...Alex for a while...but now it's all good. *gives Alex virtual hug*
Told you they loved you?: Alex.

Do you...
Do you like filling these out: Yeah.
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: Neither.
Do you like yourself: Nope.
Do you get along with your family: Yeah

Final Questions:
What are you listening to right now: The dull roar of the library.
What did you do yesterday: I went to school...
Hated someone in your family: They're not technically my family anymore...
What car do you wish to have: Yellow Jeep Wrangler, but really any car would be nice.
Where do you want to get married: Anywhere, as long as I'm marrying the man I love.
Good driver: I don't know.
Good singer: ishhhhhy (that means sort of)
Diamond or pearl: Pearls. Definately more classy.
Are you oldest?: Yeah
Indoor or outdoor: Outdoors.

Today did you...
1. Talk to someone you liked: Yeah
2. Buy something: uh..food...
3. Get sick: I had a headache, I still have one.
4. Sing: In choir
8. Talked to an ex: No
9. Miss someone: YESSIIREE!

Last person who....
10. Was in your bed?: Uh. me.
11. Saw you cry: I don't know.
12. Made you cry: I don't know.
13. Went to the movies with: My mom.
14. You went to the mall with: My mom.
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet: Er...no.
17. Been to California: Yes.
18. Been to Mexico: Nope.
19. Been to Canada: Yeah.
20. Been to Africa: No, but I hope to work there for Doctor's without Borders some day.

Random...
21. Do you have a crush on someone? *giggles* yeah
22. What books are you reading now: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Where the Heart is, Jane Eyre, The Darwin Consipracy.
23. Best feeling in the world: Love
24. Future KIDS names: I have no idea.
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No.
26. What's under your bed: Uh...Some random stuff that fell under there.
27. Favorite sport to watch: Wrestling. Hehe.
28. Favorite location?: Um. I don't know.
29. Piercings/Tattoos: My ears.
30. What are you most scared of right now: Uh, nothing really.
32. Who do you really hate? Douglass Carden and his slut.
33. Do you have a job?: Not techincally.
35. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? Alex...?
37. Are you lonely right now: Sort of yes and sort of no
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now: Thank Goodness from Wicked
39. Have you ever played strip poker: No, but it sounds liek fun
40. Have you ever gotten beat up: No
43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: no
44. Ever liked someone but thought they'd never noticed you?: yes

Random
What's the first thing you notice about your chosen sex?: Eyes, smile, maybe?
Your Favorite Food?: RAMEN
Have you ever cried for no reason?: Yes
Are you too shy to ask someone out?: Yup.
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?: butter and salted. *orgasms* teehee
Favorite Flower?: Lillies
Have you ever fired a gun?: Yeah, lots.
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car: Yeah, planes are definately better.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: I don't know. A lot.
Who are you missing right now?: Alex, Sabrina, Austin
Do you think your ex misses you?: I don't have an ex.

So goes life...

2006-03-20T21:45:42Z

"We're going to spend the next two weaks learning about something that doesn't even exist."--Wikner.

My official schedule for the new trimester. No more confusion.

EB Driver's Ed
Band
PE 1 (Going to see if I can switch to PE 2)
Geometry
Advanced Placement Government
Chemistry Honors
Brittish Literature Three
Woman's Chorale

Oh, what a joyous third trimester.

So, my little brother came into my room at about two am this morning, wanting a drink of water. I took him into the kitchen and then he puke. Nice. What wonderful way to begin my day. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I layed it bed for two hours, then at four am I decided, hey it might be a cool idea to curl my hair. I had just finished the left side of my head, when my curling iron broke. Again, nice. So, I brushed out the curls, but my hair up in half-way pigtail thingies, and curled my hair up with the big curling iron. Then I left the house at six, and got to school at six-fifty with every intention of studying for chemistry.

Well, studying never happened. Instead my friends Liz, Ahmed and I got into a discussion about religion and stuff. It was really fun. Then All of us at the table started talking about how computer's sucked and then made fun of Bill Gates and this one dude that was really sweaty and scary. "I have four words for you: I LOVE THIS COMPANY! YEAH!" "DEVLOPERS! DEVOLPERS! DEVELOPERS!" Yeah, good morning.

Band was band. We sight-read a song. I'd actually already played it freshman year, so that was kind of nice. There was a part where it was supposed to be this clarinet section solo thingy. Only Rachel and I played and it was scary and we both messed up at the same time.

Oh yeah, before band I had a Cappacino and Powerade so I was realy really hyper for band. It was crazy.

Then I went to math. Learning about tangents and circles, basically stuff I'll never use in real life. But it was interesting. And I was still semi-hyper so life was good.

Then we had AP Gove and we just reviewed the court cases and had some really interesting conversations about t-shirts and obscenity. I love AP Gov, it's probably one of the best classes ever. By then, my hyper-ness level had dropped about 5000000000004% and I just kind of sat and listened. It was nice though.

Lunch kind of sucked. I was at the end of the line. But I talked to James for a while. We talked about band and stuff. It was fun. Then I sat with my friends and we were kind of mellow. There was really nothing to do.

Then I went to Chemistry. We went over the test, so I went outside with Danielle and Rina and did the review sheet for the test. Then we talked about Gases. And in comes the quote from before by Wikner. We'll be studying Ideal Gases, which don't actually exist. But she says it involves a lot of formulas and stuff, and that this is that last easy unit. So, I'm glad it's going to be easy and stuff.

Next come Brit Lit. I was totally out of it. I think I got a perfect on my Jane Eyre quiz, which makes me happy, especially since I didn't read all of the assignment. My eye hurt like hell. I felt like throwing up. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die or at the very least sleep.

Lastly, comes Choir. By all means it was unproductive. My eye/headache thing worsened and I really didn't feel like singing.

And thus we come to now. Me sitting in the library updating this. I have probably the most boring life ever. God, I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. Blahhh! I have sooo much homework to do.

Well yeah, I think I'm done now, because I don't have much to say.

Love,
Ashley.

ps. I miss Alex!

Confessions of the ugly duckling's sixth cousin twice removed

2006-03-17T03:05:45Z

So, we get the phone hooked back up again April 3rd. Yay! We're also getting braodband, so that means good-bye AOL. It also means I'll be on the internet even more, if that's even humanly possible. The only downside to this broadband thing is, only my computer is getting hooked up. Which means that I have to keep my room clean, and allow my mom access to my computer any time she wants. Ooooh, so not cool.

So, I'm going to have to password protect anything I don't want her to see, or at least hid it somehow. I'm pretty sure that'll be easy. It's actually not that big of a deal, I just want to have some sort of privacy.

So anyways, for some reason AOL won't work on my computer right now. It keeps getting to step six on the dial up thing and just stopping. I dont' know what's wrong with it. So, that means that right now and until April 3rd or whenever my AOL starts working (which ever come first) I'll be using the business computer.

Which means, I'll pretty much never be on the internet. It also means, that when Alex gets back from Texas, I won't be able to talk to him unless he calls me. (hint hint) Because Obviously, it'll be quite impossible for me to get online late at night.

So yeah, lots of stuff has happened that I'm a bit worried about putting down here, but let's just say it's been a really good week, and I'm really happy!

So, yesterday and today I took an hour or so long walk. It was really nice. Today, I stopped at the park and hung out on the swings for like ten minutes. I seriously thought it was longer, but I suppose cellphone clocks don't lie. I tried to walk further than I did yesterday, and I did, but somehow I ended up getting home eleven minute earlier. I thought that was really weird. *shrugs* Oh well.

I stopped having any dreams at all for about a week, and that kind of scared me, because I'm so used to have really vivid realistic dreams, but I started dreamign again about two days ago, so now I'm not worried.

I have to baby-sit Andrea this Saturday, which means that I get paid. Yay! Money's always a good thing. Maybe I'll go buy something. I know there was something I really wanted, I just can't remember what it is right now. I'll probably just save up for a bunch of more mintues that I can waste.(My cellphone is prepaid)

So, I kind of take back what I said the other day about being over this one guy. I'm totally not over him. But it's okay, because he's totally not over me. It makes me smile! But yeah, it's not fun that I don't get to talk to him for like two weeks since he's out of town and my internet is being stupid. *shakes fist at world* (See, can't say I don't care about you now! LOL)

I have a hair appointment April 8th. I think I'm either going to try and go back to my natural hair color(or as close to it as possible) or bleach it blonde and put in purple and blue highlights. Haha, yeah two completely different hair styles.

Wow, I start a lot of paragraphs with so. Weird.
Well anyways, I think that's all I have to say for now.

-Ashley

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-03-14T19:16:00

2006-03-15T01:46:25Z

This isn't regret. I swear, it's not regret. It can't be regret.
I mean, he still loves me. I should be happy, right?
I was last night. But, now?
I feel, idiotic. Like, I shouldn't have told him that I still liked him too.
I feel like he just thinks I'm stupid or something.
I don't know. I don't know what to think.
I don't even understand why he would like me.
I mean, I'm me. I'm Ashley. I'm nothing special.
Why did I feel so confidant last night?
Why do I feel so...not, now?

[10:03] Lightslovechild: *Stares at you then looks down and sighs*
[10:03] Only as a muse: What?
[10:04] Lightslovechild: What do I mean to you, really?
[10:04] Only as a muse: ...you're my friend...
[10:06] Only as a muse: ...who I suppose, until recently I liked more than a friend. But I got over like you told me to. Why?
[10:07] Lightslovechild: Because I wanted to know. *Smiles a little then looks away*
[10:07] Only as a muse: Umm...okay?
[10:07] Lightslovechild: *Shrugs* Sorry.
[10:07] Only as a muse: Uh...I'm not sure why you're sorry.
[10:08] Lightslovechild: *Looks away* I shouldn't say anything. That's why.
[10:08] Only as a muse: Sometimes, I don't understand you. I'm not being bitchy or anything, just stating a fact. I just don't *shrugs helplessly* don't understand.
[10:09] Lightslovechild: What don't you understand?
[10:09] Only as a muse: I don't know.
[10:09] Lightslovechild: My massachistic tendancies?
[10:09] Only as a muse: I don't know what that means but...sure?
[10:10] Lightslovechild: Inflicting pain upon oneself.
[10:10] Only as a muse: How do you inflict pain upon yourself. Aside from the knife you are apparently carrying around in your backpack.
[10:11] Lightslovechild: I don't have that there anymore and I haven't used it in years. Mentally. I set up situations so I get hurt.
[10:11] Only as a muse: ?
[10:12] Lightslovechild: I lie, make things up, invent excuses to avoid getting the things I want. So I can be hurt.
[10:12] Lightslovechild: Because I'm afraid of losing what I want, maybe. So I don't ever get it in the first place, instead. I don't know.
[10:12] Only as a muse: I suppose that makes sense, to a degree. But, how have you ever done that when you're talking to me?
[10:14] Lightslovechild: *Smiles wryly* You don't want to know.
[10:14] Only as a muse: I do.
[10:14] Lightslovechild: "I'm so still in love with Anie."
[10:15] Only as a muse: I've assumed as much.
[10:15] Lightslovechild: I made you get over me because I was afraid and now I'm mad at myself for doing so.
[10:15] Only as a muse: Why?
[10:16] Only as a muse: Are you mad at yourself, I mean?
[10:16] Lightslovechild: Because I really like you that way.
[10:17] Only as a muse: Oh.
[10:17] Lightslovechild: ...yeah. Sorry. *Winces* I can go now.
[10:17] Only as a muse: Alex, what would possess you to think that I want you to go?
[10:17] Lightslovechild: Because I'm an idiot and hurt you and...
[10:18] Lightslovechild: Because I'm stupid enough to admit that I like you.
[10:19] Only as a muse: If it makes you feel better, I still liked you like that until two days ago, when I just was like, "Yeah, I don't feel like being in love." which you know, doesn't necccessairly mean anything. And I was sad yes, but that's life. Life sucks in so many ways, but you can't let small things get you down. Obviously, If I hadn't have wanted to get hurt, I wouldn't have continued talking to you.
[10:21] Lightslovechild: Wow. So I managed to admit it two days too late. Even better. I'm a complete git.
[10:21] Only as a muse: LOL. Not at all.
[10:22] Lightslovechild: Yes at all. And I'm sorry you find it so funny.
[10:22] Only as a muse: I don't find it funny. It's how I deal with things, I laugh at them, it makes in easeir, I don't now.
[10:22] Only as a muse: know*
[10:24] Only as a muse: The potential's still there Alex. I only forced myself to stop liking you because I was under the impression that you pretty much hated me.
[10:27] Only as a muse: I know your phone number, I could just, you know, call you...
[10:32] Only as a muse: If you're not back by thirty-eight after, I'm calling you.
[10:40] Only as a muse: So, pretty much I'm going to call you, even though I know you're "back", because you haven't responded.
[10:43] Only as a muse: Yeah, by the way. I uh, don't have a home phone number anymore...
[10:45] Lightslovechild: Hey...
[10:46] Only as a muse: good-day mate 'ow are yah today?
[10:46] Lightslovechild: Um. Slightly peeved at my family. And you?
[10:46] Only as a muse: Really warm.
[10:46] Lightslovechild: Mm... how come?
[10:47] Only as a muse: I dont' know. Usually, I'm freezing. now I'm reall hot, in a tank top and pondering the usefullness of shorts.
[10:48] Only as a muse: Did you read any of what I said earlier?
[10:48] Lightslovechild: I read it all.
[10:48] Only as a muse: ok.
[10:48] Lightslovechild: *Hugs tightly*
[10:49] Only as a muse: *hugs back*
[10:50] Only as a muse: The thermometer in my mouth has reached 99.5, will it go up? Indeed it has, it stopped and did the alarm thingy at 99.6. So. hmm..I don't have fever, that's good.
[10:52] Lightslovechild: Yeah. *Hugs tightly*
[10:53] Only as a muse: Okay, Lame response. Would you like to call me?
[10:53] Lightslovechild: I would love to, as soon as I can.
[10:53] Only as a muse: Okay, here I'll give you my number.
[10:54] Only as a muse: 319 358 0403. You'll have to warn me though, cuz I'll have to sign off.
[10:54] Lightslovechild: Okay.
[10:54] Only as a muse: (We got rid of my home phone. evil dicator parents)
[10:54] Lightslovechild: So I understand.
[10:54] Only as a muse: But alas, I am the smarter of them.
[10:54] Only as a muse: I've been using the business line for th einternet.
[10:54] Only as a muse: I shall simply use it for calls.
[10:54] Only as a muse: *evil laughter*
[10:54] Only as a muse: Dude, I have the best evil laughter.
[10:56] Lightslovechild: *Nods and huggles*
[10:56] Only as a muse: I made you on Sims2 today.
[10:57] Only as a muse: Unfortunately, none of the choices had curly hair, so I kind of based it off the picture you have where your hair is straighted. (the one picture that one girl put on your myspace)
[10:57] Lightslovechild: Yeah. I know how that is.
[10:57] Only as a muse: On the Sims you look like a nerd. A really hot nerd, but a nerd. Cuz, I gave you glasses.
[10:58] Lightslovechild: *Laughs and huggles* I avoid those for the most part.
[10:58] Only as a muse: But they makes guys so spexy.
[10:59] Lightslovechild: *Grins and huggles*
[10:59] Only as a muse: And you have pretty much the same outfit that you'r wearing in your picture where your fly is down.
[10:59] Lightslovechild: *Laughs* I haven't worn that for a while.
[11:00] Only as a muse: I was going to put you in the one outfit, but it made you look too debonair.
[11:00] Only as a muse: And I wanted a semi real Alex.
[11:00] Only as a muse: So now you look like a dork.
[11:00] Lightslovechild: *Grins* I am a dork.
[11:00] Only as a muse: And then I made me.
[11:01] Only as a muse: And my hair is blonde. (They don't have my real haircolor, which has like every shade known to man in it, naturally)
[11:01] Only as a muse: And it's in braids.
[11:01] Lightslovechild: And are they a couple.
[11:01] Only as a muse: And I have sexy emo glasses, even though I don't need them.
[11:01] Lightslovechild: ?
[11:01] Lightslovechild: *Grins*
[11:01] Only as a muse: *sticks out tongue* Now why would I do a silly think like make them a couple.
[11:02] Only as a muse: *grins sheepishly* They are indeed a couple.
[11:03] Lightslovechild: *Smiles and hugs tightly*
[11:03] Only as a muse: And I bought a ginourmous awesome house.
[11:03] Only as a muse: And then my computer froze.
[11:03] Only as a muse: And I wanted to yell at it.
[11:03] Lightslovechild: *Grins sheepishly*
[11:03] Only as a muse: But then I restarted it.
[11:03] Only as a muse: And then I signed on.
[11:04] Only as a muse: And then I talked to you.
[11:04] Only as a muse: So it was all good.
[11:04] Lightslovechild: *Nods and squeezes you softly*
[11:08] Only as a muse: *pooookes*
[11:08] Only as a muse: Demetri from Anastasia is like omg, so hot.
[11:09] Only as a muse: and he has like a totally hot singing voice.
[11:09] Lightslovechild: *Grins*
[11:09] Only as a muse: what?
[11:09] Lightslovechild: You're adorable.

only_as_a_muse @ 2006-03-11T21:15:00

2006-03-12T03:22:13Z

Today was a really awesome day. It was all nice and warm out. I went outside and hung out in my backyard. I read some "The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." I only got to Chapter ten. Then I played on the swing. I played with Makita, my dog. I took Korey for a walk, then I took Maddee and him for a walk later. I generally just hung out outside and had a lot of fun. I listen to this Opera called La Forte del Destine. (The Force of Destiny) I only listened to a little bit of it, because I came inside and then forgot to turn the radio back on.

I watched part of Gone With the Wind. I took a nap. It was all in all a really good day. I had ramen for lunch and supper. LOL. It was really weird spending the day away from my computer, nice too.